7 hilarious (and harsh) reviews of beaches in Essex

It’s a great trip that for many can be a free day of fun in the sand and sea and an iconic way to enjoy the weather. 

Essex is home to a number of stunning beaches for visitors and locals to soak in the sun.

Whether it is in Frinton, Clacton or Southend, you’re spoilt for choice.

Best beaches in the UK

And many love these beaches and leave fantastic reviews on TripAdvisor.

But there are some slightly harsher critics.

7 hilarious (and harsh) reviews of Essex beaches

Here are some of the stranger and critical reviews of some of Essex’s favourite beaches.

‘Nothing to do’

Many love Frinton’s beach for its scenic walks and calming atmosphere.

But one visitor argued this was too boring.

They said in their review: “There is nothing here you just walk along beach huts to the pier nothing there no café or entertainment just a beach row of beach huts that lead to the pier and flats.

The beach at Frinton is lined with beach huts (Image: Steve Brading) “Don’t come here and waste your time like we did go to Clacton better experience.”

‘Too noisy’

Clacton is hugely popular with locals and visitors, with the pier regularly attracting day-trippers.

But one person did not enjoy the noise from the pier during what they wanted to be a relaxing time on the beach.

The review reads: “If you want to relax, don’t sit near the pier.

“We walked a good 10 minutes up the beach but the constant noise from the pier’s roller coaster completely spoiled any possibility of relaxation.”

‘Wind not as advertised’

One item many Brits take to beaches is a windbreak, with the elements often picking up along the coastline.

One visitor to Shoebury’s East Beach however was disappointed with the lack of wind.

Shoebury’s East Beach (Image: TripAdvisor) They said: “I went there to do some windsurfing. When I got out the wind was not as strong as advertised on several well-known forecasting sites and I wasn’t able to sail as fast as the others.

“I found it quite difficult to turn around without falling off and I suspect that’s something to do with the unusual shaped choppy waves.

“After a while all the water disappeared and it got dark. Generally I was disappointed.”

‘Basic and unattractive’ 

One visitor to the beach at Walton was another disappointed with the lack of amenities. 

They said: “Approximately 2 hours drive from London, Walton On The Naze is a very basic unattractive beach with nothing much to do whilst you are there.

“The beach area is a stretch of sand down some steps and not at all pleasant to relax or walk about.”

“There are absolutely no attractions in and around the resort. If you are thinking of spending a day at the beach don’t select Walton On The Naze. You’ll be disappointed.”

Walton’s beach in north Essex (Image: Newsquest)

‘Covered in faeces’

Despite signs against it, some dog owners still let their pooches poo on beaches.

And this was too much (understandably) for one reviewer following a trip to Jaywick.

They said: “I have never seen so much faeces as I did along the footpaths leading to and alongside Jaywick beach.

“It’s a shame as if you stand on the beach & look out to sea, it’s otherwise reasonably nice.

“There’s no way we’d go back as the whole experience was spent trying not to step in poo which was simply everywhere.”

‘Like something you’d see in Benidorm’

During a trip to the beach in Brightlingsea, a visitor compared it to a beach in Spain… but not for the right reasons.

They said: “This place is plain dull and disappointing. There is literally nothing to see in the town.

The beach in Brightlingsea (Image: TripAdvisor) “The seafront is cheap, nasty, and dirty. It’s not maintained well, and the beach cafes look like something you’d see in Benidorm or worse.”

‘Razor-like shells’

Southend’s city beach is a hotspot for tourists and day-trippers on a hot day.

The beach often gets packed out, and has mixed reviews on TripAdvisor.

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One reviewer, however, said they believed the worst thing was the shells.

They said: “Dirty, muddy water is not the worst thing. Not even the smell of smoked marijuana.

“Razor-like fossilised shells make it impossible to walk into the water without some shoes on. Better avoided.”